Dear Diary
by DeepInTheShadows12345
Summary: Reid's not answering his phone, so Morgan goes to check on him. When he discovers Reid is missing, it's a race against time to find him. What he discovers will change both of them forever.  I suck at summaries! Please Read! It's really good!


For a few weeks now, Spencer's behavior has been quite odd. The team suspected something might be wrong, but no one really wanted to ask him. Morgan had been keeping a closer eye on Reid than the rest of the team. He noticed that Reid mumbled to himself often, didn't spout facts, only said what needed to be and nothing else. He kept his head low, avoided eye contact and fidgeted when people stood too close to him. He had become even more socially awkward.

Morgan noticed that Reid was always carrying around an unfamiliar black book. He was always writing thing in it, whenever he thought no one was looking. What was in that strange book?

On the way home from their latest case, Morgan saw Reid scribbling in his book again.

"Hey, Pretty Boy."

Reid jumped a little at the sudden noise that was Morgan's voice. He looked up from his work and smiled at him. "Hey." His voice cracked a little as he spoke.

"What are you doing there?" He pointed to the book that sat upon Reid's lap.

"Oh, that. Nothing." He replied. It was obvious he didn't want to talk about it. Morgan wondered when he'd tell him what was in it.

"Okay." Morgan said, backing off the subject. Neither of them brought it up again. Reid put the book in his leather shoulder bag and set it in the seat next to him. He looked across the table to see if Morgan was still awake. He had his headphones on, and he looked like he was in the midst of a dream. 'That was fast' Reid thought to himself as he smiled.

He closed his eyes, deciding he wanted to take advantage of the quiet to take a nap before they arrived back in Quantico. Once the plane landed, everyone rushed to grab their belongings and retrieve to the piece of their homes. They saved the paperwork for after the weekend. Morgan looked around for Reid, thinking that he probably doesn't have plans and that maybe he would want to hang out and grab some later dinner or something.

He asked around for him, but nobody had seen him. 'Must have left early. Poor genus is probably tired.' Morgan thought to himself. He took out his phone and dialed Reid's number.

On the other side of town, Reid was writing in the notebook he now carried everywhere. He soon closed it and set it beside the lamp on his bedside table. His phone started to ring in the other room. He already knew who it was. Just as he had suspected, '1 Missed Call from Derek Morgan' was printed clearly on the screen of his phone.

Morgan starred at his phone in disbelief. Since when doe Reid not answer his phone? 'Maybe he actually had plans.' Morgan smiled at the thought. He wasn't planning on calling again. He wasn't going to bother him.

Reid put his phone on top of his notebook on his little table and crawled into bed. He pulled the blankets up over himself and silently cried into his pillow. It seemed he cried all too often.

The next morning, Morgan called Reid again. Still no answer. "Must have had a late night." He smiled. Throughout the day he continued calling Reid, but never got an answer. He was starting to worry about his genius. He called the team to see if anyone had heard from him, but it seemed no one had. It was almost like he just disappeared.

Morgan looked at the clock on his living room wall before he grabbed his jacket and walked out to his car. It was almost 5:30 in the afternoon. When he finally arrived at Reid's apartment, he knocked on the door. No reply. "Reid?" He knocked again. Still no reply. He took out his phone and dialed Reid's number. Suddenly he heard Reid's phone ringing on the other side of the door.

"What the hell is going on?" Morgan said out loud. He turned the door handle. Seeing it was unlocked, he slowly opened it, his gun at the ready. The door opened up enough to reveal an empty apartment. He took his phone out again, and dialed a familiar number. "Hotch, yeah, it's Morgan. I think something wrong with Reid. He's missing." He listened to his reply. "Okay." And then he hung up. Hotch heard the unquestionable worry on his voice. He called the rest of the team and they all headed towards Reid's apartment to meet up with Morgan.

Within 5 minutes, the whole team was there. They began by trying to profile Reid's living space, trying to figure out where he would have gone. This was so out of character for Reid. "Hey Morgan, come and see this." Emily called from in Reid's bedroom. Morgan entered and Emily handed him a book. Not any book, the book Reid was always writing in. "It's a journal. If anyone has to read it, I think it should be you."

Morgan didn't question her, he simply took the book, sat down on the edge of Reid's bed and started reading it. It only had 2 entries, both written in Reid's unmistakable handwriting.

_Dear Diary,_

_ I suppose "Dear Diary" was an appropriate way to begin an entry such as this. I wouldn't quite call it a "diary", more of a journal, but that's beside the point. Recently I've been so confused about everything. It seems strange, for someone as smart as myself, but I can't really explain what's going on. Everything it just confusing and my head is clouded with thoughts. I can't even do my job right! I don't know if it's a phase or something…I can't rationalize anything anymore…I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I bought this here "diary" because I thought it would be in my best interest to record my feelings, to better understand what's going on with myself. It's not that I don't trust the team enough to tell anyone, it's just I don't want them worrying. I think that they suspect something is happening with me, because everyone keeps looking at me, all the time. I really don't know. I suppose for today, that's really all I needed to explain. I'll write again sometime when I feel it is necessary. I hope everything goes back to normal. When did everything change?_

_ -Spencer_

It was dated almost 2 weeks ago. Morgan looked up from the book. What was he talking about? What changed? He was confused as to what Reid was referring to, but continued to read with growing curiosity.

_Dear Diary,_

_ It's been awhile since I last wrote. I guess it's because I've been so distracted. I arrived home from a case not too long ago. It is so hard to focus right now, I don't even know how to explain it, or even express it. It's so simple, but yet, it's the hardest thing to understand. I think I'm over-analyzing it…_

Morgan kept thinking 'What is he talking about?'

_I guess I'll just come out and say it. I think I'm in love…_

Morgan smiled "Aww, Pretty Boy's in love" He said quietly to himself.

_I don't know if it's right…I feel so wrong about it…I suppose I can understand why I feel the way I do, but…_

Morgan questioned. "Why would loving someone be wrong?" He kept reading.

_I love Derek Morgan._

Morgan's eyes widened and his heart nearly stopped. "What?" He kept reading with growing curiosity.

_I guess the reasoning's are pretty obvious. I'm around him almost every hour of almost every day. I just feel so wrong about it because I'm not used to it. I'm just so used to liking girls. I wouldn't call myself homosexual. I wouldn't call myself bisexual either…I like girls, which makes me heterosexual. The only male I've ever liked would be Morgan, so I don't really know what that means. That's why I've been so confused lately. I've been trying to figure out why I've been feeling so weird. I get butterfly's in my stomach when he walks into the room and I get really nervous when he stands by me. I feel like spouting random facts will make me look like a complete idiot…And I love it when he calls me "Pretty Boy."  
><em> 

Morgan smiled as tears came close to pouring out of his eyes.

_I've been keeping to myself a lot lately, because I've been trying to figure myself out. Now I think I'm starting to understand…_

_In America, 10% of the population considers itself to be homosexual/bisexual/transgendered. 30% of the population kills themselves for being homo/bi between the ages of 15-24, which makes it nearly 4,000 deaths each year…I guess I'm one of them… I wonder how what the view of the Potomac River looks like up on the chain bridge…One way to find out._

_ -Spencer_

Morgan's mouth dropped open and there were streams of tears on either sides of his face. Morgan noted the date of that entry. It was today. "Guys, he's going to the chain bridge in D.C!" Morgan yelled to everyone.

Emily walked out of bathroom carrying at least 6 different bottles of medication. "These are empty…Do you think…?" JJ's eyes began to water.

"No!" Morgan punched the wall in frustration. He was angry and sad. Truth be told: Morgan loved Reid. He blamed himself for what was happening. "Come on, let's go!" Morgan rushed out to the SUV, the whole team following closely behind.

It was nearly 7:00 by the time they arrived to see Reid standing on the edge of the bridge. It was getting cold. The sun had gone down almost an hour ago. The only lights around were the headlight and flashing blue and red lights from the SUV's. Morgan rushed to get close to Reid, but not too close. He didn't want him to jump.

"Reid! Please don't do this!" Morgan screamed while letting a few tears falling down his face. Reid turned his head to look at him, with his own tears streaking down his cheeks. "Please! Don't do it! Just come over here. We'll find out how to handle this!" Morgan was pleading, he was crying, he was scared.

"Why?" Reid yelled back at him. His voice cracked as he forced jagged breaths into his lungs. "There's no point!"

The wind blew hard. "Pretty Boy, please!" more tears made their way down his face. Morgan dared to take another step closer to Reid. "Just come away from there. Take a step back, please!"

"Why?" Reid asked again. "Because you don't want me to jump?" He looked down at the raging water of the river below.

"No, I don't! I want you to get away from the edge!"

"There's no point." Reid looked at Morgan. He had a serious look in his eyes, even with tears continuously pouring out of them.

"What do you mean 'there's no point'?" Morgan's tear were hot and angry, but at the same time, they were made of pure sadness.

"It won't make a difference if I jump or not, can't you see that? If the jump doesn't kill me, then the drugs will!"

His heart sank when Reid said that…

Morgan's eyes widened as he recalled the memories from Reid's appartment. He recalled everything. Every thought, every moment he questioned with worry. Everything in Reid's journal.

Reid looked back down at the water. He gulped, trying to forget the building fear.

"Pretty Boy, I love you!" Morgan shouted. Over the sound of the sirens, Morgan's words hit Reid like lightning whispering in his ears.

He looked back at Morgan. "That's not true! It can't be true. You're lying!" he screamed back.

Suddenly it was silent. You could almost hear Morgan's heart shattering into a million little pieces.

Reid looked back at the water. He closed his eyes, but that didn't stop the constant flow of tears. Morgan could see Reid's mouth counting numbers. '3…2…1'

Jump.

Morgan moved quick enough to tackle Reid and get him away from the edge of the bridge.

Reid was crying and clinging to Morgan as they stood up and walked towards the SUV's.

"I wasn't lying." Morgan whispered. He leaned in and kissed Reid gently on the lips.

Reid looked up at Morgan with a sad, yet surprised look on his face, his eyes wide and full of childlike innocence. "Really?" He questioned in a soft voice. He bit his lip anxiously.

"Really, Pretty Boy…" He wrapped his arms around him in a protective, yet loving way. Reid buried his face into Morgan's chest and began to sob again.

Morgan sat in the backseat with Reid's head resting on his shoulder. Hotch drove them to the hospital to have all the pills (and only God knows what else), pumped out of Reid's stomach. When the procedure was done the doctors cleared him to go home. Morgan drove Reid home.

When they arrived at Reid's apartment building, Morgan saw that Reid was fast asleep in the passenger seat. He chuckled quietly to himself. He carried him up to his apartment and opened the door. As he walked to Reid's bedroom, he recalled all the memories from hours ago. He let out a sigh of relief. He was glad it was over.

He set Reid down on his bed. Suddenly Reid jerked awake. "Please don't leave me." He whispered in the dark.

"I will never leave you, I promise." Morgan wrapped his arms around Reid as they cuddled together.

The events that happened and the emotions felt on that night could not possibly be explained in words.

Reid nuzzled into Morgan's neck.

They both just laid there like that…Listening to each other's heartbeat, until finally they gave way to sleep and slipped into peaceful dreams…


End file.
